i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
