Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
