It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Farmville is her only friend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
