I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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