she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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