My friends, they love my intelligence
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
