Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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