I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
