four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
