you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want her autograph on my taint
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
