sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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