I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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