Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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