I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you will always have a special place in my vag
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
