Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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