My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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