How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
