bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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