as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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