while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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