My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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