just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
