Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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