Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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