soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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