Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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