some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
