did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
