I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize