my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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