is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
