he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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