you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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