Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
