from now on my penis is your penis
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
