My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
