So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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