my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Welp...herpes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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