You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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