I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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