she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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