fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
