I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
