I think my fart just growled at me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize