Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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