haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drake has all the answers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
