I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
