I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
