Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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