are you so shy because you have an std?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
