Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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