just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
