He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
