You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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